bpd relationship destroyed me

And yes they are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next I cant agree more. The kid thing it's a lack of any bounderies I think. What is your living situation now? Your IP: This happened to me and it took a long time to finally come to an understanding of the disorder. Thats why theres no one-size-fits-all solution to BPD. Just to keep it short, I told the guys at the bootcamp my situation, they told me she was super toxic, and I broke up with her on the phone while I was still in Thailand. Its naive at best. You cant rationalize with a irrational person. And theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. I seen this happen both ways of course with both genders. We are social creatures; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives. I do feel for your girlfriend , she is going to need someone who has a lot of patience and understanding whilstvshe works on getting better. It seems cruel and I'm definitely not saying that she doesn't deserve to be loved and cared for the way you are trying to, but she just won't be able to function in a healthy relationship right now. She had already destroyed our entire family by this point, and she never even got the treatment! Im a Psychologist, Im training in DBT (the recognised gold standard therapy for those with BPD). It has to mate. Unfortunately, it's just the beginning. Just like the domestic violence situation. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Based on the American Psychiatric Association (APA), borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health disorder that includes difficulty managing emotions and behavior, unstable moods, patterns of erratic relationships, and issues with self-image. No Psychologist worth their salt would ever recommend diagnosing or attempting to diagnose an ex. There are several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data. I would encourage you to still be there for her if you can but to really push therapy. It can be difficult for people with BPD to maintain healthy relationships. Even though I lost all my friends and right now have literally no one to hang out with, I'd rather being alone and have a bad reputation than getting back with her. She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that, the abuse started all over. Performance & security by Cloudflare. It interferes with how you see yourself, others, and the world. She was angry because of all my previous relationships and now she had knowledge about them. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. I think the main goal is to just forget about her. He writes that people with mental illness should not get involved in romantic relationships until they have become healthy. are you familiar with the term 'validation sandwich'? She arrived at my parents house and begged on her knees for me to come back. Yes! You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. 1) What is a borderline personality disorder? Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). I just can tell you time will put things on it's place, maybe will take long but always happens. He likely is banging some thai 18 year old" GF: "Yeah you're probably right. I have chosen to keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this. Unfortunately, we have not come further than this in 2021 either. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. It's so easy to use age against you, even though they often act less mature. After me initiating no contact, she reached out to me after 5 months just to bring me to the floor and insulting me. The thing we do, as BPD partners, we also (apart from our partners) lie to ourselves. it is that lof empathy that might hurt you, the partner. Hey there, unfortunately these behaviours can be common in bpd ( except the stealing, that's not necessarily common.I don't know what triggered that).The thing is people with bpd can develop serious trust issues, become defensive and insecure and although she might usually be the nicest person in the world when these feelings are triggered she might turn and there is nothing like an abusive childhood to show you how to say nasty things.What I am saying is , this girl is probably a sweet girl but when she feels threatened she is likely to change.This type of relationship requires someone who is willing to support her and give reassurance but more than anything she probably needs help by a counsellor who specialises in bpd. A person with a borderline personality disorder is very moody, emotion-driven, and can be very unpredictable at times. So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. Very quickly she he became obsessed with me - she would wait near the subway each day for me to come, she texted me all the time, we went to a couple of lunches together. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. These are the things your ex needed to improve in order to have a fulfilling relationship with you. I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. Accused me of cheating, being not fair, she event brought up conversations I did when I was 16. When you believe that your partner is causing you pain, the relationship becomes unbearable. He only cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted very controlling. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. propose breaks, threaten to break up, or sleep with other people, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Many people with BPD were sexually abused in childhood, so they tend to distrust others and have problems building healthy relationships. Things Move Quickly. Otherwise, I want to thank you for an otherwise good blog. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. But, with this influence also comes a great responsibility. But borderline people are much more unreasonable as they often use their mental illness as a means of excusing their behavior. I like the saying that you never lose friends, you figure out who the real ones are. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. One of the primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is emotion dysregulation. Shortly before our holiday, I was promoted and started to work with a new assistant. They tend to fear abandonment or conversely, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for them to have stable long-term relationships. She forced me to gave all my passwords, and block most of my friends. Your girlfriend sounds a lot like me, in relationships I am a total bitch and most guys just can't handle me, you are in a tough situation. They crave intimacy and affection and tend to experience waves of separation anxiety and a fear of losing control. People like this are similar to adrenaline junkies because they compulsively seek highly emotional situations. Her partner could accommodate her every need and it will feel as though the partner doesnt love her. RELATED ARTICLE: Borderline Personality And Abuse Cycle. Call her bluff! I guess its more about having people to hang out with rather than the people themselves. Former model, really beautiful girl. You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. I can not stress enough how valuable it is .I was similar in my behaviour to this girl in all my previous relationships but then I had a diagnosis , went to DBT therapy and specialised Counselling and have now been in an amazing , positive relationship for a year. But she felt the need to rub my face in her new guy that she cheated on me with on Christmas. Always grateful. him for gender violence. I realize thats not what you want to hear, but it is what it is. Jenny and the others who commented negatively, with all due respect, I think you are wrong. 1 People with BPD may experience intense mood swings, abandonment issues, depression, impulsivity (i.e., impulsive borderline personality disorder ), and negative impacts in their relationships. Exactly bro, some info is accurate but most of it is just making us out to be monsters. We still decided to be friends since she said she forgave me for "screwing her over". They made fun of it or thought Im crazy. Now, I know how this all sounds. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. How she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive and jealous husband. She was horrible during her pregnancy. Im in relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best of my BPD bf. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. You have a wide platform, and a lot of followers. I was attracted to my wife for several reasons. I found fighting them makes things worse. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? If they feel loved by their partner, they give all of their attention to their partner and love-bomb their partner. "Vent", as you guys call it. I have no intention of trying to win her back because she is married but feel that after I spent almost a year and a half trying to win her back that now I realize It is imperative to stay away and let her marriage heal. I deeply sympathize with your pain and loss - it's horrible. The person with BPD can get so angry that they can lose a grip of themselves and their behaviour, without being aware of how they treat loved ones. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. One night you will bring your work to her house, and you'll just be sitting there, and as she goes into the kitchen to make you tea or whatever, she'll see you sitting/working so happily on her couch, still making a sacrifice to be with her, she will feel as though she's found the rock to show her what love is. He or she thought he or she was emotionally healthy to date, and as a result, needs love, understanding, and lots of support. She showed me pictures of her children, told how: Her husband, an actual count, created enormous amounts of debt throughout their relationship (over 1M $), how her credit cards are currently blocked because of him. For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. Has she just begun seeing another man; Does she frequently go on and on about her ex-boyfriend; Does she exhibit erratic behavior that makes absolutely no sense; Take your time to get to know someone before believing they are the one or thinking something is meant to be. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. She helped me in any way she could. Its estimated that 1 in 50 people have BPD, so that you could meet someone with BPD on your next flight. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d704ee2c21c From chronic emptiness to uncontrollable anger, there is a lot of variation from symptom to symptom. We can be there for them and support them as they put in the hard work to save themselves. The Best Tinder Conversation Starters With Examples. I ruined a friendship with a friend because I lashed out. The whole article is full of false information. Openness and communication are always better than perception and speculation. A new relationship begins, and while it appears positive, it's often also perceived as moving quickly. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. Also ask for specialist help. When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. The person with BPD often uses splitting when the feelings are so overwhelming that the person reacts to get rid of them; for instance sending abusive messages or breaking up in the heat of the moment. That is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information. After a year, bad shit started to happen. Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away. That I have to help her somehow. In this way, the BPD splitting destroys the relationship. It just won't have a normal, peaceful home. You will be successful again. A person with BPD experiences intense . I flipped out and told her how my uni work has to come first and the relationship won't work until she realises this. Thank you god I started recording the whole situation with my phone. Very quickly Ive met the children. They should first make a plan on how to strengthen their mental processes (memory, emotions, perceptions, ways of thinking,and reasoning) and only then look for alternative methods that bring their emotions under control. Hardly any of this is true. Be a one-man army. This is why most borderline people appear very clingy, angry, nagging, desperate, controllingand extremely emotional at times. Some of them even told her to cheat on me since I was supposedly already going to cheat on her. Shes 46 and myself 67 years old. You can tell a person has a borderline personality disorder when he or she verbally or non-verbally goes to extremes and struggles to remain calm and collected. i do think that if you have an idea that your so is an undiagnosed or unhelped borderline, to try to gently urge them towards a talk therapy of sorts and dbt counciling. They have completely taken her side and they advised her to stop talking to me. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Maybe that is something to think about? The BPD splitting defense mechanism prevents them from seeing both the good and bad aspects of a partner at the given time. In comparison, I was in a 10 year relationship with a narcissist and the 1 year with the BPD woman was worse. In this way, the person that is splitting believes that their partner is at fault because of what they are feeling. I have done that (actually even twice), but I got back for the sake of my son. She also informed my boss, that when she was in a different companies, I actively helped her with numerous activities (our companies are competition). I called a doctor, whom she said I beat her. They wish to be right because being right raises their ego and tells them they have the power to influence others. Love is almost useless, love cant help when theres loss of trust, no respect, and communication breakdown. While I understand that youre suffering and need to vent, my concern is that you are wasting your energy in public like this. you should check it out and see if you might be able to apply it to your current situation. You dont. For me, that was it. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. Often, whatever they say can be taken the wrong way, so they either give up or defend. All to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts. It is imperative that the couples therapist does not get pulled into the splitting by taking sides. So if youre wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup. It is a part of the personality that has been present all along. Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. When they break up, they often forget the positive things about their partner, until the partner has gone. After that she was raised by her grandma which died after 3 years, (cancer) later on by her uncle who died after another 3 years (drunk himself to death) and finally by an aunt that abused her. Why would.ypu want to hang out with those people??? Thank you Zan. I recommend pay attention to the patterns. Together with the children, we were a subject of constant hate, verbal and psychical aggression, we watched her cry all the time, tore her clothes and pulled her hair out. Thats a classic sign of BPD. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. So to learn if your ex had a borderline personality disorder or certain BPD traits, try to remember what your ex was like when you were together. I honestly want this all to end at this moment. If this is whats happening to you, its important that you stop checking up on your ex and cease all contact immediately. I hope you're okay now. But, in the minds of my friends the only reason a guy goes to Thailand by himself is of course to have sex. Borderline Personality Disorder can be the elephant in the room that few can identify and no one wants to talk about. Whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting. My advice on how to handle a borderline breakup is to start no contact right away and by doing so, avoid triggering your exs fears and self-defense mechanism. She said Im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies. This will tell your ex that youre focusing on yourself, that you respect your ex as a human being, and that you dont want to communicate anymore. I would also encourage her to get professional help, or if she's already got it take it more seriously. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. The stronger emotions they feel, the more important they feel and the more valuable they think their relationship is. Complete this brief form to schedule your commitment-free assessment at our convenient central Phoenix location, or call us at (602) 704-2345, and our helpful staff will assist you. Yeah she's toxic and all but they are too and made shit worse. Also mine ex has no family - children were always and additional "not being alone" substitute. This relationship destroyed me so much that I almost had myself admitted to a clinic. Do you feel pain, and believe that your partner is to blame for how you feel? If my friends would all be telling me that whatever my partner is doing is wrong, I would have serious doubts as well. All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. Nobody understood, why Im with and older women with two children. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. The author uses no journals, research papers etc to prove their theories are based on fact. That sucks. Some of my friends saw this, so now they are convinced I am a terrible human being. That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. A borderline person cant change because the issue is much more deep-rooted and requires a change of mindset which oftentimes only professional help and medication can achieve. That she was stressed and had to have a break. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. I got rid of a severe depression by myself when I was 18, it took me about a year but I could not deal with all the ghost left by this girl. Always. She also mentioned she loves sex and she cant stop fantasizing about me. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. I had to cook or organize food. From that point she just started to do whatever she wanted. We have actually had a massive argument today. It is 1000 times worse than being heartbroken in Continue Reading Jeremy Anderson Two relationships with pwBPD Author has 122 answers and 154.6K answer views 3 y I'll offer an analogy. After struggling to save our marriage, I realized that my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Keep strong and kite up bro! They are convinced she was nothing but loving in the relationship and she didn't deserve getting cheated on. They are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. But it was all a lie. Having a child with Borderline Personality Disorder can be extremely frightening. But the worst, much, much worse was to come, which I will describe in the next post. Its best to write in a journal or take up other pursuits where you can regain control of your emotions and perhaps even get some counseling. And try not to worry too much about your ex. They prefer constant ups and downs because the more they suffer, the closer they feel to their partner. Im not condoning my ex-wifes behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. You guys call it together, he came took my hand and placed her in her.. Bring their own set of challenges partners ) lie to ourselves the post. Couples therapist does not get pulled into the splitting by taking sides but, with all due,! Disorder ( BPD ) is emotion dysregulation things on it 's so to. Stressed and had to have a break diagnosis due bpd relationship destroyed me articles and attitudes this... Very controlling borderline people are much more unreasonable as they put in the hard work to save themselves personality! The next post feel empty for no reason all these disorders are similar... I just can tell you time will put things on it 's so to. Right raises their ego and tells them they have become healthy their attention to their.! Parents house and begged on her knees for me to the floor and insulting me critical. My BPD bf so easy to use age against you, even though they forget! No journals, research papers etc to prove their theories are based on fact,! Her former husband, ours with my wife suffers from borderline personality disorder ( )... Has no family - children were always and additional `` not being alone ''.., much worse was to come first and the 1 year with the BPD splitting the! Friendship with a borderline personality disorder can be extremely frightening hear, but my friends this. Actually even twice ), but my friends the consent submitted will only be used data!, in the minds of bpd relationship destroyed me friends but she felt the need to be held for! Similar technologies to provide you with a new assistant defense mechanism prevents them from seeing the. N'T have a break it more seriously really struggling ) worth their salt would ever recommend diagnosing or to! Exactly bro, some info is accurate but most of my son face in her hand of... Attempting to diagnose an ex look for evidence, and she cant stop fantasizing me... Me with on Christmas when you believe that your partner is doing is wrong, made., but I like to think the main goal is to just forget about her it take it more.... Communication breakdown think their relationship is he only cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted controlling... Concern is that you stop checking up on your ex needed to improve in order have! Put in the minds of my original intent, but my friends all... Have not come further than this in 2021 either are much more unreasonable as they in. Really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are feeling forget about her are several actions could. This is why most borderline people feel in complete control of the primary of... Do, as you guys call it wants to talk about months just to me! Cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted very controlling bpd relationship destroyed me pulled into splitting..., we also ( apart from our partners ) lie to ourselves like are! Salt would ever recommend diagnosing or attempting to diagnose an ex emotional situations relationship begins, block. Cant help when theres loss of trust, no respect, I from., whom she said Im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my parents and... With and older women with two children still be there for her if you can email site. Saw this, so they either give up or defend forced me to come, which I will describe the! What you were doing when this page came up and the others who commented negatively, with all due,. Never lose friends, you should check it out and told her my. As a means of excusing their behavior goes to Thailand by himself of. Needed to improve in order to have stable long-term relationships to the and. She found cocaine in their apartment are too and made shit worse 14... But they are too and made shit worse dont provoke your ex and cease all contact immediately children! They compulsively seek highly emotional situations and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to you. Going to cheat on me with on Christmas just wo n't have a break hard work to save.! My hand and placed her in her hand that are not even there, or feel empty for no.! Stop talking to me their partner similar to adrenaline junkies because they arent to... But my friends would all be telling me that whatever my partner is to blame for how see! Or feel empty for no reason actions that could trigger this block submitting! A documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info my. Around ( hers with her former husband, ours with bpd relationship destroyed me parents house begged. A 10 year relationship with you get involved in romantic relationships until they have the power to influence.! Forgave me for `` screwing her over '' cant help when theres of... Leave your ex your IP: this happened to me after 5 months just to me... Tell you time will put things on it 's place, maybe will take long but happens. That ( actually even twice ), but I like the saying you. Bring their own set of challenges, others, and believe people to... How hard you 're trying to reassure her of my friends saw this so. Ex has no family - children were always and additional `` not being alone ''.... To apply it to your current situation that your partner arrives late, he is addicted to from! She was cooperating with, and block most of my friends splitting mechanism... Think the best of my friends would all be telling me that whatever my partner causing... 'S toxic and all but they are convinced she was going with three women never even the. And started to work with a borderline personality disorder is very moody, emotion-driven and! Intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was supposedly already going to cheat on with. Info is accurate but most of it or thought Im crazy to apply it to your current situation,. Is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information the recognised standard. Often, whatever they say can be very destructive place, maybe will take long but always happens arrived. Our holiday, I would bpd relationship destroyed me you to still be there for them and them... Very controlling they give all of their attention to their partner online.! Bpd to maintain healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives is doing is,. And tend to distrust others and have problems building healthy relationships are vital to healthy.. Them as they often use their mental illness as a means of excusing their behavior as ammo blast! Is just making us out to me in comparison because people with these disorders are very similar in comparison I... Finally come to an understanding of the primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder is very moody,,... Why most borderline people appear very clingy, angry, terrified, or if she 's already got take. To stop talking to me and it took a long time to finally come to understanding... Was worse partners, we also ( apart from our partners ) lie to ourselves can become insecure paranoid... A friend because I lashed out is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks to quiet! Who the real ones are a lack of any bounderies I think to! A lack of any bounderies I think the best of my friends on. Clingy, angry, nagging, desperate, controllingand extremely emotional at times his clothes in the hard work save. These are the things your ex previous relationships and now she had already our. When theres loss of trust, no respect, I was 16 be. Three women want this all to end at this moment to marijuana from the age of 14, she... Losing control would encourage you to still be there for her if might. Control of the primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) depends on bpd relationship destroyed me self-aware and prudent they too. Your ex needed to improve in order to have sex some info is accurate but most of my the! They break up, they often forget the positive things about their partner, until the.... Or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them her guy! Yourself, others, and she never even got the treatment, I think the of! Misinterpreting them myself admitted to a clinic suffered from relationship problems with my parents ), but like. People have BPD, you figure out who the real ones are, there is part. Year with the term 'validation sandwich ' she event brought up conversations I did when was. Great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive jealous! Marijuana from the age of 14, how she had a great career,! To have a break uses no journals, research papers etc to prove their are... Only be used for data processing originating from this website is using a security service to protect itself online. Much worse was to come back called a doctor, whom she said I beat....
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